Day 7: This Post Is 100% Misogyny

Even if you ignored Tyrese's statement near the beginning of the movie about needing Paul Walker's ass as a slip of the tongue, this scene, in which Tyrese takes off his shirt for no reason in order to show us all his toned and incredibly attractive torso, really drives home how gay this movie is.

John Singleton knew coming it that it would be like this, and so he also knew he had to do a better job of showing off some hot ladies than Rob Cohen did in the first movie. And he really, really tried, though we still ended up with this:

This silly-looking lady with the ridiculous hair shows up several times in the movie as part of Devon Aoki's entourage. But that's ok, because as I said in the last sentence, Devon Aoki is in this movie, and she is always wearing something insane. Like this:

That's hot as fuck. Also, there's this awesome thing Eva Mendes wears at the beginning of the movie.

Generally, Singleton did a pretty good job of gathering together a collection of ladies that are nice to look at. Here's the first pair of womens you get a good look at:

And here is Tyrese's "hoasis":

This is easily the most guilty I have ever felt about something I wrote. I blame the Braves for how this turned out, considering I wrote most of it during the six-run inning they gave up to the goddamn Astros tonight. Also, I sincerely apologize to any women who might have read this.

Day 2: Paul Walker vs. Eva Mendes vs. Tyrese

I was recently in a weird situation with a girl. We were each doing our own thing, basically not existing in each other's world --- as I was in California and she was in Alabama -- except for when we would talk to each other about goings on. As I said, it got kinda weird, because we got into each other's emotional shit, and, to me, once I moved back to Alabama, our relationship was ill-defined, and I didn't know where it was going. The relationship between Paul Walker and Eva Mendes in 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS is like that.

The plot of 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS provides no easy way for Paul Walker to have a love interest, but at some point -- I assume very late in pre-production -- a Universal exec saw what John Singleton and co. were planning for the movie and was like, "Hey, we need somebody for Paul Walker to make out with!" So then Eva Mendes was brought in to be the undercover Customs agent, but they still didn't really put in a romantic subplot.

Paul Walker and Eva Mendes are on screen with each on six occasions during the movie, and at no point do they talk about anything but this cop mission they're on. The fifth time they share the screen, Mendes is all sweaty and, presumably, smelly from running across Miami, and she warns him that his life is in danger, and then she kisses him.

The next time they see each other is at the end of the movie, after all the shit is over. They say hey and shake hands and kinda look at each other sweetly, and then Mendes leaves with the FBI hoss and the movie ends.

Er, hello? What the fuck is this? Here's my guess: Paul Walker and Tyrese dated back in Barstow when they were younger. Then Paul Walker meets this very attractive lady at the beginning of the movie, and he wants that shit. But, shortly thereafter, he reunites with Tyrese, and their flame is rekindled. Paul Walker is confused. He really wants this hot piece of strange he just met, but he also feels too loyal to Tyrese to make a move. Eva Mendes kisses him later because she doesn't know about all this gay subtext. In the end, Paul Walker chooses Tyrese.

Sounds about right.