Day 3: Small boobs vs. big boobs

There's a part in Tokyo Drift where Han makes Lucas Black go fetch some money from "a guy with a paw." Lucas Black then kicks his ass kicked. The reason for this is that Lucas Black's fresh fresh virgin boobies with those bright pink hairless nipples had never before seen the light of day...

...and when he had to go up against these wondrous constructs...

...well, I think anybody could have seen that ass-kicking coming.

Day 2: John Singleton hates the soul patch

Anybody with any sense should have the soul patch. There are some exceptions, of course. Tim Hudson, for example, can grow his facial hair any way he wants if he's gonna throw the way he did this year. But most folks wear the soul patch only so everyone will know immediately how much of a flaming douche they are.

Like any person with sense, John Singleton recognizes this, and he put this guy in 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS:

This guy has no lines, and he drives a goddamn Mustang. Naturally, then, Singleton has this guy be the only character in the entire movie who definitely dies.* Check this out.

Good times.

*It is possible that other characters die, but if that's the case, they died offscreen or it wasn't conclusive that they were, in fact, dead. This guy is fucking dead.

Day 1: What the fuck is Dope?

Rob Cohen: You know what this movie needs? Fucking Dragula, that's what. Twisted Metal 4 was the shit.

Accountant: We don't have enough song licensing money left for that.

Rob Cohen: Shit.

Accountant: You spent most of the money on that Limp Bizkit track.

Rob Cohen: Rob Zombie and Limp Bizkit are the only artists who really captures the mood of the kind of white mid-90s douchebags who like to wear blank $5 basketball jerseys from Wal-Mart. That's our target audience, remember.

Accountant: I'm the accountant. I just count the money.

Rob Cohen: Where the fuck is Neal? Neal would totally be OK with this if he knew about this dilemma.

Accountant: Um, Neal is dead.

Rob Cohen: Really? Huh.

And that's the story of how Debonaire by Dope ended up in THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS.

Bringin' it back

I've had a couple weird moments in the last few weeks since I've been absent from this blog. First, I went to a party, and everyone there knew me as the guy who had that FAST AND FURIOUS blog. Then, I was watching Bama nuke the city of Gainsville on Saturday, and Gary Danielson called the unstoppable runningback tandem of Mark Ingram and Trent Richardson "the Fast and the Furious." And then I went to see The Social Network, and I felt bad for not doing anything to advance humanity.

And then I remembered this blog. This will be my Facebook.

Starting Monday, the 365 Days of THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS will begin again, starting at Day One. I will plunge ahead despite all my other obligations and my crippling depression, because maybe, just maybe, this is the cure for all my problems. We'll all find out together, I s'pose.