Day 10: I Hit a Wall Doin' Like a Buck Twenty

I've never been in any sort of really exciting car wreck, though I have had some close calls, such as when I swerved out of the way of a fucking elk in Wyoming while I was going 80 mph and almost got completely smashed by a Wal-Mart big rig. Or when I had a bunch of shit on my windshield on the other side of Wyoming and then the sun hit it straight on, blinding me, and I almost drove off a cliff. That would have been something. And I would have been dead as hell in both examples had I not exhibited brilliant driving skills.

The 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS version of Ludacris, on the other hand, got himself into one of those bad situations (all this is before the events of the movie), did not exhibit driving skills awesome enough to get out of it and then drove straight into a wall at 120 mph. We discover this when Tyrese asks him if he races, and Luda is just like, "nah man."

Meanwhile, Ludacris has no limp or horrible scars or significantly lowered brain function (apparently?), and he may or may not do PSAs about reckless driving (probably not). I guess it's possible he just drove through the wall and it was actually totally fucking awesome, but the way Luda's tone of voice changes to being more morose than we've ever heard him (ever so slightly morose) makes me think that "hit a wall" means "hit a wall."

I think he's lying. I only know of one example of somebody driving into a solid, uncrunchable object at 100 mph, and that collision resulted in what I only know how to describe as a really bad case of exploded face. Here's what the car looked like post-op in this example.

It would be very fucked up of me to post a pic of what the girl driving that former car looks like after the wreck destroyed her head, so you'll have to go to this link to see it. (Seriously, don't click that because it's fucking horrible.)

Since this is the only actual-for-realzies story I know of that's about like what happened to my bro Luda, I assume it's impossible to do what he did while keeping your face. Of course, it's important to also note that apparently his penis no longer works (Luda: "When are you gonna pop my clutch?" Devon Aoki: "As soon as you get the right set of tools. And a penis that works."), so perhaps he just exaggerated how fast he was going to make up for his manly embarrassment over having to use a penis pump.